Wednesday, March 12, 2008

More bum stuff? Are you serious?

Have you ever heard something like this:
“Mummy, my brother just stuck a marble up his bum!”
There are various thoughts that rush through your head as you sprint up the stairs three at a time towards said sibling’s room.
#1 Why would someone be SO interested in that area of his body? (See last week’s post for much more detail on that particular area)
#2 How did he get the marble up there?
#3 Will we be driving to emergency in the next few minutes?
#4 If so, do we choose a different hospital from the one who extracted the peas and corn from the nose of older sibling? (Just in case they have a “file” of some sort started on our family)
And by the end of question 4 you are likely already in the boy’s room, and you’re wondering what happened to his pants. Because you know you put pyjama pants on him an hour earlier and personally you usually keep your pants on and you feel that if HE could just keep his pants on, certain parts of the body might be less tempting in general. And then you find yourself turning the boy over and looking in areas you would rather not peruse while demanding “Is it up there?” You will be relieved to discover that the marble is not in fact still "up there" and you are happy to have it in your hand until you remember where it WAS prior to the alarm being raised. Then you are even happier to throw it in the garbage and scrub your hands (“Out, damn spot” – as Mr. Shakespeare would say) just as you scrubbed your hands not even a week prior when the pootastrophe happened. (again let me direct you to last week’s post)
Take a deep breath because now you must have a conversation with your son; one of the ones that fall into the category of “I never thought I would need to say this, but...” did you know it is a bad idea to stick things up your bum/nose/ears? If it got stuck the doctors would need to cut your bum open! Your son considers this for a second, then states that cutting his bum open might hurt. You confirm that it would, in fact, hurt a LOT and that he’d better NOT be putting ANYTHING else up ANYWHERE ANYTIME soon. Kiss good night, tuck in, shut out light, close doors, scrub hands intensely one more time, go and fetch a hefty gin & tonic and rue the day you gave birth to boys.

No comments: