10 + 10

10 Reasons why I am better than my kids

1. I can eat a granola bar without requiring a bath afterwards. I can eat it slowly, bite by bite, without getting the sticky grains on my shirt or in my ear, and without smearing the chocolate chips up the side of my cheek. I can unwrap it in such a way that I don’t even get my fingers sticky. It’s an art.

2. I can drive myself places. And when I want to leave at 8:15, I leave at 8:15. Not at 8:21 after going through an intensive exhausting shoe and coat ritual, and eventually having to drive back for the lunch kit anyway.

3. If I want a glass of milk, I get it. For. My. Self.

4. I am smart enough to know when I am tired and I usually go to bed when I am asked to do so!!! Sorta depends who’s asking, I guess...

5. I can reach things in the top cupboards.

6. Even knowing what I know about some of the atrocities that go on in this world, I still try to keep a positive attitude about life. They have a positive attitude but they don’t know how hard it is so it shouldn’t really count.

7. I will try new foods. Others won’t.

8. Quite honestly, even though I am no artiste, I can draw better than them.

9. I can drink and vote and rent cars and even smoke if I wanted to. (But I don’t). Smoke, that is. I do the other stuff. Well, I only drink SOMETIMES; let’s not get carried away here. And I don’t drink like I would say I’m a drinker. Oh heck, I have a few drinks a month, ok? Which is actually more frequently than I vote so maybe I’m more of a drinker than a voter.

10. I eat candy whenever I want. Some mean person won’t let the kids do the same.

10 Reasons why my kids are better than me

1. They have more cuteness in their little pinky fingers than I will ever possess in my entire body.

2. They can ask a stranger if they have a penis or a “giner” and that stranger will usually smile and respond. Sometimes I’m unsure about which part someone has, but I certainly cannot ask.

3. They can learn concepts and virtually everything (except putting on shoes and wiping their bum) so fast it blows your mind. Jack has known about invertebrate insects and their exoskeletons and abdomens since he was two, and Ethan is a whiz at French – the star of his class as far as I'm concerned.

4. They love unconditionally and they are so not afraid to say it.

5. They totally beat me at Wii games.

6. They are way more adorable when they sleep than me. At least, I’m guessing they are because I don’t actually see myself sleep. But I see myself when I wake up and sheesh! It’s scary. They, on the other hand, are so cute that you want to crawl in bed next to them.

7. They have so much more energy than me and it lasts All. Day. Long.

8. They never get bored of watching the same movie. Or of finding Waldo again. Or of playing the “Mummy pretend you don’t know what a hug is” game. Or of reading the same books over and over.

9. Their butts are cuter.

10. Truly and honestly, they are absolutely amazing little guys. They are kind and loving, smart and funny, handsome and awesome. I am very lucky to have them.

xoxoxoxoxoxox