Even after raising money, attending the walk, and taking part in the candlelight vigil, I can't feel any better. I am someone on the outskirts of this tragedy, yet I feel so devastated for this family that I can't even begin to fathom how they must feel.
Back when we first heard that he had disappeared, I think what horrified me the most was his age. And specifically, that he was 18, and I had assumed there would come a time in my not-so-distant future that I could stop worrying about my boys. This proved to me that you can never stop worrying about your kids.
And so, last night, after witnessing enough raw grief to last a lifetime, I was so happy to find the boys still awake when I got home. Thankfully they are still young enough that I can cuddle them and they don't complain when I won't let go. I don't want to ever let go.
And I want them to read this one day and realize that being a parent is hard on so many levels. I hate being the "brush your teeth, clean your room, get those pj's on and GET TO BED" mom - but what I do is to shape them into awesome human beings. But I do promise (right here, in writing) that I'm going to enjoy my time with them more. And the laundry can wait while I play with my kids. Because what if I don't have all the time in the world?
Excuse me while I go crawl in bed with them again.
But first, look at this face. His name is Bryan Braumberger.
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