Having just this minute returned from seeing the movie Twilight for the second time since it opened less than a week ago, I would like to share with you thirteen reasons why I would make a good vampire:
- I’ve already got the vampire skin – that pale, glowing whiteness crucial to vampirity.
- I love to drive fast. And even more, I love to drive fast cars fast.
- I am already cold all the time so no difference there if I had unnaturally cold skin.
- In the car on the way home, I think I perfected my vampire snarl. It sounds really good and I can’t wait to try it out.
- I don’t feel any older than I felt 10 years ago, except through watching the kids get older. So presto – I’d change them into vampires too, and problem solved. None of us would age!
- In yoga, one of the poses reminds me a lot of the vampire-about-to-pounce crouch, so I’m good to go there.
- OK so I don’t like blood much. I don’t even eat most animals. But I think wolverines are mean so I would probably just live on those.
- I would finally have free time – you know, since I wouldn’t sleep – so I could nail the rest of the things on my 40 before 40 list.
- I think I would look really good in black leather. Which is totally what I would wear if I was a vampire.
- I have recently taken a self-defence class, so I would completely be able to kick anyone’s ass.
- I get a headache in the sun anyway. So if I had to avoid it, no biggie.
- If Mike was a vampire too, that would be sexy.
- Did I mention the skin? I’m so white it deserves mentioning twice.
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