Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Ranting Again (This may become a habit)

Who thought it was a good idea to have a road race of 55,000 people? I'm still not sure why I entered the Sun Run this year but I would be very surprised if you ever caught me doing this race again. I had a bad day.

I parked at Trev and Shanty's and had a nice brisk walk to the start. I met some co-workers at the Skytrain station and after taking a photo or two we tried to get to the starting corrals. I was supposed to start with the green bibs and got caught in a crowd like no other. After getting separated from my run buddies (argh), I found myself with no hope of getting anywhere near the green corral. By that I mean I was about 12 feet from the entrance but there were so many bodies between me and it that I had no choice but to wait. The starting gun went off at 9:00. I was finally able to start moving towards the green corral at 9:25.

There was one (actually way more than one but here is the biggest one) panicky moment as we surged forward. Somebody somewhere stumbled and the ripple effect meant that we all staggered. I thought, oh here we go I am going to get trampled to death, but luckily we all managed to stay upright. My heart rate monitor probably registered the moment of terror... I will have to check it!

I finally crossed the start line and... bam. People started walking almost immediately. What the hell were they doing classing themselves as green if they can't even run a block? We were supposed to be the group that finished between 48 min and 1 hr. I also tripped over a stroller (against the rules) and I was constantly cut off by people trying to dodge the walkers and misjudging and running into guess who? Me.

I grumbled for a few kilometers, especially at those who were running all smiley and crap. Then I spotted a JR Direct corporate team shirt ahead sported by a friend of mine. So I ran up behind him and just as he slowed at the water station I bolted past and yelled "You suck Kris!" No response from him and I lost sight of him since it's not easy to run backwards with 55,000 of your closest friends. I stopped to pee in a fantastic (and by fantastic I mean just about as disgusting as you would expect at a mega-event that involves a lot of half-digested PowerBars) Porta-Potty and he must have passed me. Never fear, I saw the shirt ahead of me again so this time when I passed him I yelled "I'm going to kick your ass Kris!" In retrospect, Kris/Chris is a fairly common name so this may have been somewhat startling to my fellow runners. Especially since most of them were not in the same pissed-off mental state and they seemed to actually be enjoying themselves. And since Kris was wearing his iPod and didn't respond yet again leaving me looking (sounding) somewhat ridiculous, I decided to skip the trash-talking part of my race and concentrate on my feet for a while. Plod plod plod and finally I crossed the finish line. Sucktastic.

What a waste of a morning. But luckily in all the hours I was gone the boys and Mike managed to accomplish the grand old task of getting dressed, so it was a successful Sunday on all counts I'd say. We did build our fancy new BBQ that afternoon, though, and have enjoyed a few meals grilled to perfection since then.

Update: Finally figured out why my race sucked. It was too cold to wear my new kick-ass running skort. Obviously the day would have gone way differently if I could have looked a little more Fierce.

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Quest for the "F" Word

This week, the boys discovered the existence of the “F” word and are quite anxious to find out what it is. They know it’s a bad, bad word. What they don’t know is that not only have they already heard it but they have even said it themselves on a few occasions. They have been BEGGING me to tell them what it is, and their logic is quite sound really. Ethan said, “How can I know not to say it if I don’t know what it even is?” Well, true enough, but there is something stopping me from saying it out loud at them while standing in the kitchen at snack time if I haven’t even dropped anything on my toe. So at random intervals throughout the day, one or the other of them will run up to me and say, “Mummy, is it Foolish?” (Ethan) or “Mummy, is it Farty Fart Fart?” (Jack). I think we have just about gone through every F word in the dictionary so far. One of these days they’re just going to realize, oh yeah, it’s what Mummy says when Jack makes us really late again or what Daddy says when he discovers the day’s worth of dishes in the sink.

When Jack said it, it wasn’t too long ago. We were working through a worksheet on planets and he was having trouble with it. Mike came upstairs and said “How’s it going Jack?” to which he replied, “Daddy, this is so f***ing hard!” I think we both turned purple and my head might have exploded a teeny bit trying not to react to THAT one.

Update: Ethan came to me after I got home from work and said that he knew what the "F" word is, and then he said THE WORD. It sounded just about fifteen shades of wrong coming out of a six-year-old's mouth, let me tell you. I asked him how he figured it out, and he replied that it was the word Daddy said today when the lady crossed the road not on the crosswalk. So thankfully I can blame Mike for that educational lesson. Then Ethan said it again at the dinner table, then Jack said it too, and Mike and I just about exploded and told them they would get kicked out of school FOREVER if they said it again. I think they are scared enough at the moment that they won't say it again for a LONG time. I hope.

Me and the girls went climbing last night. It was a lot of fun - I'll post a picture or two here once I have a look at them. If I determine if my ass looks really huge you won't see them here! The drawback to a good bout of physical activity is that I am now typing this using a pencil between my teeth a la My Left Foot since my hands and forearms have become weak little useless claws. Jack asked me to open a water bottle for him and I was unable to twist off the cap. Sad, sad, sad. But I made it to the top of the hard wall so it's all good. Maybe I will regain hand functionality tomorrow...

Aside: Can anybody tell me why, when I put on eye makeup, my mouth needs to open in an expression somewhere between Edvard Munch’s The Scream and what you look like when you sing the “WAH” part of Marilyn Manson’s Beautiful People? (And who knew I was so multi-dimensional that I can throw a 19th century expressionism reference in there right next to creepy – but strangely catchy – alternative metal?)

Later peeps.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

My friend Susanna and I went for lunch yesterday on a patio overlooking the golf course on a beautiful 20 degree day. It was sunny and hot; our first hint of heat since September! I even got burned! And I was even excited about that! My whole day was spent with a smile! And I was singing at the top of my lungs in the car! It was quite fantastic.

Jack joined us, and was a perfect little gentleman the whole time. In the car on the way home, he pipes up with this gem:

"I'm never getting married!"

We ask him why not, and he replies:

"Because I DON'T want to have kids!"

Again, why not?

"Because sometimes, kids just DON'T listen, and that is fer-us-ter-ating!"

Susanna can't help it and busts out laughing. I tell Jack that it certainly is frustrating when our kids don't listen, but even still, we are happy to have our kids. Still, his reasoning is sound and truer words were never spoken. Little smartass.